FEATURED BOOK

Chapter: The Butler May Now Collect Me

“The custom-suited butler managed a pained, but professional, smile. He made the long walk from the plane’s jet bridge all the way back to row 57 in basic economy. He had never needed to go beyond First Class’s border at row 5.

I wasn’t the typical customer. Every head in the plane turned as they watched him pass their rows. He walked with the cadence of a declarative sentence.

The internet led me down a dark path, revealing I was missing out. Those devilish little technology gremlins put a well-placed, cookie- tracked suggestion just out of my real-life reach. I started by wasting a random Saturday reading some trashy social tabloid story. And because of that, I was now in the throes of a freshly minted deep desire.” - Page 50

Chapter: Will You Come Visit Me If I Buy A Murder House?

“Maybe I was still mellowed from the prolonged adrenaline high from my vacation in the mountains. Maybe I was run down by life. Regardless, the house’s back story seemed like a favor in my direction.

While driving back to my rented apartment, I called a handful of my closest people. They all knew the daily highs and lows around my efforts to buy a place.

“Hey, will you come visit me if I buy a murder house?”

I figured blunt was the best policy in a situation like this. I reused the phrase “little murder” when I elaborated the full story.

It was a resounding “YES!” followed by plenty of “ooooooh what happened”, “you can market that as an Experience Property on Airbnb”, and “I’ll bring the sage to smudge.”

That was the reaction from everyone, except my brother. He tells me to sell it every time we speak.” - Page 232

CHAPTER: YOU WANT ME AS YOUR THIRD WIFE?

“I was delighted when a couple in their early thirties sat at the table next to me and asked if they could reposition a chair. I closed the book, which accidentally made me appear very interested.

Through the normal course of a standard polite conversation, we learned that we both agreed the weather was great that day. We both had mutual long-term residencies in various cities throughout the country.

We had traveled to a few of the same areas in the world. We were equally unimpressed with certain trends in the country, like annual themed Christmas trees rather than those with familial significance. We both thought the hotel had great hot dogs. Benign stuff that could have naturally led to comfortable neighborly silence for the duration of a coffee.

My guard was down. I missed the initial screening question.” - Pages 129-130

CHAPTER: SPIRALED INTO A CHARACTER FLAW

“‘So you’re telling me that I’m stranded here?”
“It would appear so,” he said with his face turned in the opposite direction.

I took a deep breath, channeling all the composure I could muster so as not to get locked up in airport security and have an Interpol Report attached to my name.

Before I could respond, he leaned in with a conspiratorial whisper and smirk, “Perhaps you can enjoy more of our fine Icelandic cuisine. Ze fermented shark, no?”

He was mocking me with a boring stereotype!? Not even a creative, well-thought-out one! Iceland has genuinely good food. There are plenty of ways to enjoy a good meal there.” - Page 110